


With Him Is Where Her Heart Lies

by Sky_Astor



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s08e06 The Caretaker, F/M, Fluff, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Relationship(s), Romance, Unrequited Love, whouffaldi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 13:37:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4021855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sky_Astor/pseuds/Sky_Astor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is set in S08E06 - The Caretaker.<br/>The Doctor's plan to capture the Skovox Blitzer goes wrong because of Danny Pink. They have a quarrel during which Clara blurts out that she loves Danny. Twelve is shocked and deeply hurt... And she knows that this wasn't what she wanted to say. Now she has to deal with the situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Boyfriend Error

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking about the scene where Clara blurts out that she loves Danny and it inspired me to write this fic.  
> I kept some of the original lines from this episode – you will surely notice. :)
> 
> Just like during filming S9, Twelve's hair is a little longer in my fic. It will be mentioned later in the story. Just go with it. Thanks. :)
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this! :)

This time, the Doctor went under 'deep cover' to save the planet from a murderous robot called the Skovox Blitzer. He disguised himself as a caretaker at Coal Hill School - the place where his beloved companion Clara Oswald worked.

His plan to get rid of the monster was clever - he distributed small devices around the building to create a time displacement vortex that would send the robot a billion years into the future - and to prevent from being scanned by the dangerous Blitzer, he used his special watch that was able to make him invisible. The Time Lord lured the creature to school in the evening because it was empty and no one could get hurt.

Unfortunately for the Doctor, Danny was not only working late that day but also sniffing around because he thought that the new ‘caretaker’ was up to something. By accident, he discovered a strange small device, which he removed and by that he changed the settings completely.

The Doctor ran into the room where the trap was set - and to his surprise he was shortly joined by Danny and Clara. Due to the settings chance, the Blitzer was sent only 74 hours forwards. He was angry and immediately threw a couple of sarcastic remarks at Danny, showing him that it’s clearly all his fault. Clara didn't seem to mind at all because she wasn't happy that he had seen all this; she would have to explain it all. She decided to lie first - but the situation got quickly worse…

*****

“He's my boyfriend. I thought you'd figured this out,” Clara said, being quite confused now.

“Him?” The Doctor asked in pure disbelief as he pointed with his sonic screwdriver on the man behind her. His brain tried to work out why she wasn't together with Adrian. He wouldn't have such a problem with him because the young man in the bow tie reminded him of his previous incarnation, which Clara loved and admired. He knew she wouldn't fall in love with him - his new him. And there was something... calming on Adrian's appearance. Something that made him proud… something that reminded him of how much she had loved him once - a young madman with a blue box.

“Yes, him.”

“No, he's not,” he tried to convince her as if he knew better.

“Yes, he is,”

“Yes, I am,” Danny confirmed but the Time Lord didn't seem to care at all- it rolled off him just like water off a duck's back.

“But he's a PE teacher. You wouldn't go out with a PE teacher. It's a mistake. You've made a boyfriend error,” he explained to her, hoping she would agree with him.

“I am not a PE teacher. I am a Maths teacher,” Danny spoke up, having enough of being ignored.

“You're a soldier!” The Doctor stated quite annoyed to Danny's direction.

“Why would you go out with a soldier? Why not get a dog or a big plant?” he asked his companion, in a tone, which revealed that he didn't understand anything in this tense moment.

“Because I love him!” Clara raised her voice but lowered it again at the end of the sentence as if she suddenly wasn’t so sure if that was exactly what she wanted to say.

He gulped.

These words were like a knife that had just cut his hearts in half - they were screaming in agony and he could feel the strong pain in his chest. The Doctor's eyes travelled to the man who was standing behind Clara, examining him thoroughly from tip to toe as if he was an unknown species that he had never seen before.

Danny seemed to be surprised too - because she didn’t sound very convincing.

The Doctor could feel the tears coming through his tear ducts to fill his eyes with the salty water, but he managed to hold them back.

His glistening blue eyes found Clara again.

“Why would you say that?” he asked, keeping his voice in tone as much as he could, but even the deaf could hear the uncertainty and fear in it.

“Is this part of the surprise play?” he added, suddenly willing to participate in Clara’s lies.

The heart-breaking look on his face made her realise what she had just said and a strange feeling surrounded her - as if she had just betrayed herself.

And not only herself.

The sentence that echoed in the room seconds ago was born in her anger of the moment when the argument between the Time Lord and her boyfriend was about to get worse and worse. And yet they argued about nothing. A meaningless dialogue – like the theatre of the absurd.

She shook her head, “There is no surprise play,” came a partial whisper of regret.

“Oh it's a roller-coaster with you tonight!” he shouted and waved his hands in the air, being grateful for the opportunity to react like this.

He turned around and headed to his sanctuary - his TARDIS that was hiding behind the brown curtains as Clara explained to Danny who the man in the brown caretaker coat was.

Danny was completely overwhelmed with the situation. It was hard to swallow that aliens and travelling through time really existed; and that Clara regularly sees another man even more. He hadn't been with her for a long time yet... He always saw that she was a bit unsure when it came to their relationship - he thought she just needed more time, but now he knew what it was. The look on her face, when the hurt Doctor made his way to the blue box, gave her away. At this point he would expect her to tell the truth and explain everything to him, but instead of that she started saying that everything was going to be fine and she walked with him through the corridors and out of the building.

Before the Time Lord entered the TARDIS, he turned around and saw her leaving with Danny. He walked over to the console and wanted to reach for the main lever. His arm was stopped by a disapproving growl of the machine, which made him look up at the time rotors above him while a tear-drop was running down his cheek. He pulled the main lever anyway - just to give it a try even though he knew she would refuse to lift off. He didn't know why... she must have had a reason, but he didn't care because he had no power to argue with her now.

He slipped the brown piece of clothing off and threw in the direction of the rail, but he missed and the coat landed somewhere down below. He turned around, took a deep breath and hit the console hard with his right fist to moderate the mental pain with a physical one. It was not enough, so he had done it again for the second and third time with even more power. It worked – but only for a while.

Thoughts were swirling inside his head as he rubbed the reddish knuckles of his right hand, which was resonating with heat now. He shuffled to his chair where he sank in. He had always been hiding his true feelings for her and suppressed them as much as possible. However, now his hearts were moaning in agony and he finally admitted to himself that he was madly in love with her. The thought of him ending up without his Clara troubled his soul. For whom should his hearts be if not for her?


	2. Good Night

Danny and Clara stepped outside of the building and they were greeted by a light evening breeze. It was already dark outside and they were only lightly illuminated by a streetlight that was nearby. They remained standing in front of the main door, not looking at each other. She was afraid of what would come now.

“What do you think?” she asked after a while. Danny didn't respond and looked up at the night sky, wishing that a good answer would appear there. He felt as if someone had stabbed him in the back.

That was not a good sign and she inhaled deeply. Her eyes flickered to the ground and then back to him.

“Say something,” she pleaded.

Danny opened his mouth, but the words didn't come easy to him because he was still processing all the new, shocking information. He only managed to shake his head slightly.

Then he finally started in puzzlement, “So, there's an alien, that used to look like Adrian... Then he turned into a Scottish caretaker and every now and then when I'm not looking, you elope with him.”

“I don't elope,” she defended herself.

He still was looking in front of him, not at her.

“Do you love him?” he asked.

“No.”

“Really had enough of the lies,” his voice was toneless.

“Not in that way,” she whispered.

“What other way is there?”

Silence was her answer and it was enough for him to understand, yet he couldn’t believe that she had really done this to him.

She felt completely trapped now. And guilty for not telling him the truth earlier, for not telling him that she saw no future in their relationship. She wanted to but never found the right moment or the right words. The whole situation was a disaster now and there was no way back.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered, “Can I... fix this somehow?”

What a stupid question, she thought.

 He shook his head, “I need some time to take it all in, Clara.”

“Of course. I'm so sorry,” she repeated, really meaning what she said.

“I do love you but-” she added quietly, but he cut her off.

“Him more. I see it, Clara. I'm not a moron. This between us, whatever it is, is over,” he stated, feeling how his heart twisted.

“Fair enough,” she whispered as her eyes fell to the ground. He had all the right to do this, after all. Do something she hadn't been able to do, yet it hurt to hear it and she felt how a tinge of anxiety fell upon her.

“You say you love me, but you act like you love _him_.”

She didn't know what to say to that because she knew he was right. So bloody right.

He made a few steps forward and turned around to face her.

“Go to him,” he pointed at the door behind her, giving her a sincere but sad smile.

“Good night,” he added quickly and started walking home, not giving her a chance to answer because he didn't want to hear anything. No lies - and the truth he knew now. Somehow, he would cope with it eventually. For a wonder, he found comfort in the fact that she would be happier with the Doctor. Danny wanted her to be happy - even if it meant to let her go.

“Good night, Danny,” her voice was slightly brittle.

Everything was her fault. Only because she wasn't able to choose between two men, foolishly thinking she could live without her impossible hero. She supposed she wouldn't fall for the new incarnation but it was exactly the other way round. She was never interested in pretty young men and the feelings for the new Doctor grew even stronger.

Her relationship with Danny was in ruins now - like when a tornado swept through a city. And yet there was another thing that could go wrong - maybe it already had. 

She went back inside and hurried to the Doctor, hoping the TARDIS would be still in place.


	3. Hold Me

The Doctor was sitting in his chair right next to the console. He had his hands wrapped around himself with his fingers clutching to the black jumper with holes that he loved so dearly. A strange coldness was creeping through his body making his hands shake slightly. A big knot was in his chest and he felt as if someone tightened a rope around him.

He loved her so much.

His ears caught a light squeaking sound of the door that was being opened very slowly. He knew it was her despite the fact that she hadn't entered yet. Who else would it be this late? The building was empty.

It was quite a shock for him because he didn't expect her to come back. He wiped the tears away and quickly jumped up to stand by the console. His hand grabbed some small pliers and a contraption, so he could pretend that he was working.

Then Clara entered the room very quietly with a concerned look on her face.

“You haven't brought Dave with you, I hope,” his voice was flat.

“His name's Danny. And no, I haven't,” she replied, “I've, er... explained it all to him,” she added, still amazed how “well” Danny took it. No shouting, no reproaching... Maybe it was just his way of coping and everything was yet to come. She didn't intend to hurt either of them. Especially not the Doctor.

“Great,” the Doctor uttered coldly.

She came closer to his side and he kept on avoiding her gaze. Despite pretending to be angry and offended, she knew he was hurt deep inside – he was just too proud to show it.

“Look I,” she started but the word's did not come easily.

He turned his head slightly and his eyes flickered to her feet because he still didn't dare to look at her - he didn't want her to see how vulnerable he was at the moment. He was curious about what had to say. Curious and scared.

Clara bit her lower lip and then continued, “The thing I said... That wasn't actually that what I wanted to say.”

There was a spark of hope for him, but he kept on playing his part.

“Oh, really?” he sighed, showing her how unimpressed he is.

He put the tool on the console, walked over to the railing and leaned on it. He looked down and saw the brown caretaker coat below.

“I was so upset because of today. First you turned up as a caretaker without telling me, then your all-day bantering with Danny, a few stressing classes” she paused and he found himself sympathising with her in silence. He knew how kids could sometimes be. And besides, earlier on this day, he had already had the honour to meet the ‘disruptive influence’

Then she continued, “Next on the programme: the Skovox Blitzer who could have killed you... and not to mention the bloody row with Danny about whether he is or isn't my boyfriend. It was too much for me today. I just wanted you two to stop,” she murmured.

“He _is_ your boyfriend.”

“Was,” she corrected him and slowly approached him from behind, hoping he wouldn't run away from her again.

He knew he should say something like that he was sorry, but he just couldn't bring himself to do so. Their separation and Clara being unhappy about it wasn't his intention at all, but he didn't want them to be together either. _Danny wasn't good enough for her anyway_ , he thought. He was amazed by how easily he was able to confuse himself, make himself feel bad.

His thoughts were interrupted when she allowed herself to lay her hand on his back.

“I'm sorry. I just wanted you two to stop arguing and I said something I didn't want to,” she spoke quietly.

“I behaved like an idiot,” he replied, “And maybe I was slightly,” he didn't want to finish the sentence and silence filled the room. Only the quiet hum of the TARDIS remained.

“Jealous?” she dared to ask after a while. His eyebrows drew a little together and his lips curled into a faint smile. He was amused. Of course, she would know.

“I'd say maybe overprotective, but this word will probably do as well,” he agreed quietly.

She smiled to herself and rubbed his back softly, giving him assurance.

He sighed, turned around and her hand returned to her side. Immediately, he grieved over the loss of contact.

She immediately noticed that his eyes were red and felt a cramp in her chest. Instead of mentioning that obvious matter, she said, “I'm sorry for hurting you this much.”

“It's alright, my Clara,” he responded, getting rid of the fear she would be angry at him because of his behaviour towards Danny.

She stepped even closer and pulled him into a soft hug, resting her head on his chest. Sometimes she forgot how sensible he was, under that image of a tough rebel Time Lord who can't be thrown off his balance.

“I almost thought that you’d left me for good,” he whispered as his body enjoyed a wave of warmth that came with her embrace.

“I could never, ever leave you” she murmured against his chest.

His hearts skipped a beat and he let the words caress his mind. His hand travelled from her back up to her neck where his fingers entangled with her soft brown hair.

They remained standing there like this for a minute or two.


	4. In a Phone Box to the Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could not resist using one of Twelve’s new outfits in this chapter – the plaid trousers with the pink T-Shirt! :) You probably saw it on photos from the set of S9. :3

After a while, Clara slowly let go of him. She remained close and looked up at him, seeing the relief in his blue/green eyes which reflected the wonders of the deepest universe. She took all her courage and grabbed his jumper to pull him gently down for a brief kiss. It felt so good - suddenly the heavy load was of her mind.

Their lips touched only for a few seconds, but it was enough to shoot a jolt through his body and made his stomach tingle in a pleasant way.

He gazed at her in the shock of the moment but quickly came back to his senses. He bit his lower lip and gently pressed his head against hers to nuzzle her nose.

She opened her eyes and found him smiling at her sincerely. His pupils were dilated, filled with pure adoration.

“You're blushing,” she giggled, letting go of his jumper, so he could straighten up. She wasn't wearing her high heels that day after all and didn't want to torture him for too long.

“I'm not! That's just the effect of the lights in here,” he tried to deny it, but he felt how his cheeks were burning.

“Sure,” she grinned at him.

He pouted his lips and shook his head in response, feeling the inflow of joy and warmth to his mind.  His gaze remained upon her. He found it nearly impossible how incredibly beautiful she was - just standing there so close to him her white blouse with black dots, sleeves rolled up, black tights and skirt, smiling at him.

“So, um, will you bring me home?” she asked, walking over to the console.

“I think you already are _home_ ,” he replied and followed her. Her smile encouraged him to take her by the hand and pull her close to his side before pulling the main lever.

“Where are we going, then?” she asked as she looked up at the turning time rotors, which always fascinated her – mainly the strange symbols. She wouldn’t mind learning a few words in the language of the Time Lords.

“Just to a place where the TARDIS will be save - a hideaway,” he replied, squeezing her hand.

“And that is...?” she was curious. 

“You can take a look when we land,” he teased her, playing at a 'man of mystery' again because he knew it entertained her.

When the blue box landed, Clara took a peek outside while the Doctor remained standing by the console to explore the unknown herself.

She went outside and her eyes flew open when she discovered that the time machine was parked on a little cliff in a fiery pit of a volcano. The heat was intense and steam was rising up above the lava. Her nose was tickled by an acrid smell of gases, molten rocks and a hint of sulphur. It was exciting and upsetting at the same time. She wouldn't consider it a 'safe' place, but the Doctor knew probably better on this matter.

“I must admit - it's good. A strange hideaway, but good,” she was impressed when she returned to the ship and started smiling when she saw the proud smug that appeared on his face.

“Are you sure it's completely safe here?” she couldn't resist asking although she guessed his answer.

“Yes, my dear. Do not worry,” he assured her.

They shared a moment or two in awkward silence. The Time Lord didn't want to speak up first, not knowing what to say anyway – he wanted her to stay with him, enjoy a quiet evening in the living room of the TARDIS… or his bedroom, but he kept quiet and waited. It was all new to him and he didn't want to do anything wrong.

Then Clara finally opened her mouth and asked, “So, um... Any evening plans?”

Evening or whatever time it was - in this machine one could never know. However, it was definitely evening in her time and place she belonged in.

First he thought she might ask again to return to her flat, but the fact that she wanted to stay made his hearts flutter.

“Whatever you want to do,” his lips replied at once and she smiled in response.

She asked for a shower and then going to bed because this roller-coaster of a day had a big impact on her. She felt how her legs got a little heavier with each step.

They went up the short stairs to the upper lever of the console room from where they continued to a long hall. The Doctor showed her a door, behind which was one of the many bathrooms the TARDIS currently offered - with all the things she needed - even her pyjama. She left it there the last time she slept there – after an adventure when she was too tired to do anything; she fell asleep in the chair by the console and he carried her to one of the spare rooms.  
Her thoughts jumped back to Danny - he would have freaked out if he had known this, she thought. Her impossible hero told her that her bedroom was just opposite the bathroom before he left her on her own.

*****

After a long and relaxing shower, she put her pyjamas on and couldn't wait till she lies down. She left the bathroom only to discover that the door opposite the bathroom was no longer there, which surprised her a little although it shouldn't have. She looked around - in the whole hall was only one door 157 feet away from her. Her eyes looked up at the ceiling.

“I hope you've having fun,” she said and the TARDIS answered her with an agreeing hum that was higher than usual. Somewhere deep inside even Clara found it amusing.

It could have been worse, she thought as she was on her way to the door. She wanted to be with the Doctor, but she decided it would be better not to search for him - she would probably go round in circles and entertain the TARDIS even more. And she knew he wouldn’t leave her without saying good night.

The room she entered abounded with calmness. It was lightly dark with a lot of shelves in it, which carried a great variety of books and also a lot of different objects. A few of the round things decorated the walls and provided the room with a dim blue light.

She lied down on her back when suddenly the door opened. It was the Doctor with his eyes wide open. It was hard to tell who of them was more surprised.

“Clara what are you doing in my room? Is everything alright?” he asked, still standing in the door.

“Yes. Yes, of course. I, er... thought this is my room,” she replied in puzzlement as she sat up.

Further she explained, “There was just one door in the hall and I thought the TARDIS just moved it a bit away from me.”

“She did. And replaced it with my bedroom. Moving rooms is her favourite hobby,” he replied with a slight chuckle and walked towards his bed to sit down.

As he was coming closer she realised that he was wearing something she hadn't seen on him before. He had a loose pink T-shirt and black plaid trousers with white stripes. It was so strange to suddenly see him in something completely different than she was used to.

He sat down next to her. Her eyes were still fixed on him, eyeing him up and down, so he allowed himself to kiss the tip of her nose.

As the flow of her thoughts got interrupted, she gave him a shy smile and leaned into him.

“You look great. The pink shirt suits you,” she said shyly.

“Thank you,” he whispered a placed a kiss in her soft hair, inhaling the sweet smell of the apple shampoo she used a let it intoxicate him. Clara saw the light goose bumps that popped up on his pale exposed arms. She couldn't resist and ran her fingers across his skin and watched how they became more visible one by one.

Then she looked up at him, “Come on, let's lie down,” she whispered and he smiled in response.

She waited till he lay down on his back first, so she could crawl on top of him. He wrapped his hands around her to hold her close as possible, to feel the warmth of her body. She ran her fingers through his silver hair – it was longer than usual and she watched how her fingers drowned in the silver sea of his soft curls. Then her eyes returned to his face to find him smiling at her. He brought his hand up to her cheek and caressed it with his thumb. She leaned in and kissed him. From her lips he drank the sweet elixir that filled his cells with excitement and happiness while his hearts pounded against his chest. He parted his lips and their tongues slowly explored, tasted each other as they lightly moaned into each other's mouths. She was running her hand up and down his side, feeling the heat of his skin under the thin shirt.

The Doctor had fantasised about her kissing him before, thinking how it would be like. The magnificent, arousing sensation that flowed through his mind and body had surpassed his expectations by far. It was so much better - it made him feel more alive than ever before.

An eternity later, when their lungs long for oxygen, their swollen lips parted and they both locked eyes.

“Clara, my Clara,” he whispered, “I love you.”

His hot breath collided with her skin, sending a slight shiver down her spine. Her pink lips found the tip of his nose to kiss it the softest way.

“I love you too, Doctor.”

She had always said this in his dreams, but now it was for real. He felt like he was soaring somewhere in the clouds, yet he was lying in bed. He thought his bond with her couldn't be any stronger, but it deepened even more.

On both sides.

For so long, it had been a torture for either of them - to stand next to the person whom they loved without him/her knowing. The desire to confess had been colliding with the fear of rejection every day while the heart cried.

They truly were an impossible couple… travelling together in a blue telephone box across through time and space; with wonders and danger waiting for them on every corner of their long journey that was ahead.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank You for reading!  
> I hope you liked it! <3


End file.
